Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
