That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
