Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
