i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
