Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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