I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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