I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize