I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
