oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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