Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
