Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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