soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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