You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
