Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
