He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
