how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
