btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
