after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
