I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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