don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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