Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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