New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
