Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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