If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
