Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
