he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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