Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
