I can text with my tongue
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
