Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
