Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
