weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Screwed.edu
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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