Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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