He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
