Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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