totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
