didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
