I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
