after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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