Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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