Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
