you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
