I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
