Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
