Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
