eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
