respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
time to smoke my breakfast
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
