I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
