i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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