You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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