and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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