'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
