Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I supernannyed him into submission
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
